So, obviously any birthday party wouldn’t be fun without all the people that make it special. You saw some of them already in the photo booth pictures in my previous post, but here are some candids of the friends and family who came to celebrate with me. Thank you to everyone who came and contributed and made me feel loved – I am blessed to have so many great friends and family!! (Most pictures below were taken by my friend Byanka Holder – thanks again!)

For me, most of the fun of my party was just having so many friends and family show up and getting to mingle with them all. But I did plan one activity that I wanted, which was a car rally/scavenger hunt which I got my brother Derek to create for me! Whoever wanted to participate showed up earlier and I think there were about 6 teams who joined in. We were all given a set of directions that would lead us on a designated route. Sometimes these directions were something like “turn right at this sign” or “drive until you have to turn left”, etc. Along the way, there were blanks to fill in of street names or other pieces of information that we had to look for on signs. There were also bonus items for certain things to look for that we had to take pictures of or questions to answer like, “how many garage doors on the house at the second driveway on the left after you make this turn”. Also, a couple times during the rally we had to record our time and our mileage so that my brother could make sure we hadn’t taken a detour or that we weren’t speeding! It wasn’t a race, but it was more about being the most accurate and getting the most points. Joe and I went with our kids, with Joe driving and me navigating and calling out the bonus items we needed to be on the lookout for. Having my iPhone was definitely helpful, but I think we had an advantage since it was our home turf and we were very familiar with the area. In the end, we did win first place and my son Justice was pumped that we were the winners! Here is my brother announcing the placings – I was really proud that he did such a great job at creating the game!

Later in the evening, my husband surprised me with a fun poem that he wrote in my honor. He got some good laughs and I felt really loved and special!

The only other “activity” that I planned was having a photobooth set up outside where I demanded that everyone go get their picture taken, using the bin of silly props that I provided. This was a great thing for people to be creative and have fun with and the kids especially enjoyed it! Here are just a few of my favorites…

Daughter and Father enact a miraculous healing!

Hubby with the kids & me with my little girl

My parents smooching & my brother & sister-in-law

Crazy kids & my silly son

My goofy friends

Me & my friend, Me with my sister & the little guy

More silliness

A friend’s family & me and my hubby

All right folks, we’re almost to the end of this marathon. I think one more post and we’ll be done documenting this milestone in my life. Thanks for hanging in there!

I’m probably going to make all of you sick and tired of hearing about my 30th Birthday by the time I’m done blogging about it, so I will apologize in advance. This post is about one of the things that was really a lot of fun for me though – the decorations! While I definitely don’t do a lot of crafty things, I think it is something that is in my bones, because I had a blast doing them. I think one of the things that intimidates me the most is the pressure to “be creative”, but with Pinterest, I felt like everyone else did the creative thinking for me and all I had to do was copy them, which is totally fine with me! It was a little scary at times, tedious, messy, and required me to do some problem-solving and pull some strings to find crafty equipment (I don’t have much of any) – but in the end, it was all worth it! The decorations is also where I got to take my rainbow theme to the max.

Where to start? I think one of the definite favorites was the yarn balloons. After finding my initial inspiration, I went hunting on the Internet for tutorials and found that all of the instructions were slightly different & super vague on the ratio of glue to other stuff that you dip the yarn in, so this one was scary, because I wasn’t really sure it was going to actually turn out! My wonderful friend Lanney also came over to help out & in one of the tutorials I read, it told you to first wrap your balloon with the dry yarn to get an idea of how much you’d need – this was a BAD IDEA!!! After cutting our lengths of yarn, we spent HOURS trying to untangle it all – it would definitely be better to just wing it & pull the yarn directly from the ball. This was also the messiest craft I did, since I first covered my balloons with Vaseline before wrapping them in the wet & gluey yarn. But I LOVED the final product – they were so cute!

Combined with the yarn balloons was my circular paper garland. The tutorial mentioned that they used old second-hand books for some of their circles, so in addition to the solid colored rainbow circles I used, I cut up a colorfully illustrated kids book that my son had conveniently ripped to pieces – at least it wasn’t going completely to waste! I think I cut out around 300 circles – thanks to being able to borrow a special cutter from one of my mom’s friends & then using my mom’s sewing machine, sewed them all together to create the garland. I really liked how they turned out!

My next crafty decoration was some paper strip lanterns, which I sadly had to hang inside, because they didn’t like the wind so much. But they still looked cute hanging in our large front bay window and were quite easy to make.

Next, I made some paper strip mobiles, which were similar to the garland, just paper strips sewn together and hung up!

Lastly, I made some paper fan star/flower thingiesand these were probably the most tedious to make because of all the folding! I spent hours folding forty 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of paper and my pec and armpit muscles were sore the next day – lol. Also, I couldn’t actually find a tutorial anywhere on the Internet for how to make these, so I had to do some problem solving and figure it out on my own. I then had to finagle a heavy-duty stapler from my mom’s work place to put these things together, but the end result was quite fun and dramatic!

One more crafty item was a photo guest book which my mom and sister Nicole put together for me! There was about one photo for each of the 30 years of my life coupled with a pretty piece of scrap paper that guests could pull out and sign. It was fun for them to see old pictures of me and definitely a really fun keepsake for me to have afterwards!

All right – I think that about covers it! Stay tuned for Part 4…

First of all, there was the food. Now – I’ll be the first to admit that I have no problem asking people to help out & since there ended up being around 60 people who attended my party, I had no shame in asking people to contribute a little something. So several people brought chips, pop, and other appetizers such as veggie & dip trays, bread & spinach dip, egg rolls, a meat & cheese & pickles tray, etc. etc. The spread was absolutely fabulous! And since I didn’t have plates for the appetizers, I bought a bag of small plastic bathroom cups that worked perfect for people to put their various dips in – I would definitely recommend this little tip, because I thought it worked out really well.

But there were a few specialty items that I wanted that I made special requests from my dear friends.

A big shout out to my friend Stephanie who took on the challenge of creating this adorable watermelon hedgehog that I found on Pinterest! I sent her the website with the tutorial on how to make it and she totally made it happen! He was so cute and everyone loved him! As you can see, he was half devoured before we could even get a picture of him. (Another special shout out to my friend Byanka who took most of the pictures at my party for me, so that I could focus on being the hostess and birthday girl)

Another item I found was rainbow fruit skewers, which my lovely friends Rebecca, Paige & Melinda created for me. They were another hit and disappeared so fast! I also made a quick and easy fruit dip out of whipped cream and yogurt – yum!

Another big hit was the rhubarb slushie punch that I made. This idea I actually did not get from Pinterest and I sadly don’t have a good picture of the finished product, but it is soooo good! Here’s the recipe:

8 cups sugar
4 cups water
32 cups (8 L. or quarts) rhubarb juice
3 cans frozen pink lemonade concentrate
4 cups pineapple juice

My mom gathered a butt load of rhubarb from both a friend’s garden and her own garden and then we cut it all up into 3-4 inch lengths and put it in her largest canning pot. I can’t remember now exactly how much rhubarb we used, but I think it may have been around 24 cups? We then covered it with water, which was probably around the same amount as the rhubarb and cooked it until the rhubarb was really mushy – about 30 minutes. It’s amazing what happens to that rhubarb! All the juice and color cooks out and all you’re left with is this gross green globby mush. So you strain out all that and we ended up with almost exactly the 32 cups of rhubarb juice that we needed!

You then combine your 4 cups water and 8 cups sugar and boil it hard for about 10 minutes or until the sugar is fully dissolved. Add this to your rhubarb juice, along with the pineapple juice and frozen pink lemonade. Then you freeze it all – I filled up one ice cream pail, a 4 L. milk jug, and probably half a dozen or more margarine containers (several of which are still in my freezer)! When you’re ready to serve it, thaw it partially and combine with your clear bubbly pop of choice (we used 7-UP) at about a 1:1 ratio, or more or less to your own taste. Yum, yum, yum!

For supper, I got the idea to do a taco bar, which I really loved! This was also an easy thing for people to contribute to, as I had several of my friends bring the various items – tortillas, cheese, lettuce, Spanish rice, sour cream, guacamole, etc. I supplied most of the meat (taco seasoned beef), refried beans and salsa. The meat, refried beans and Spanish rice we kept warm in several slow cookers and then had a buffet for people to help themselves and create their own tacos – so much fun!

Last, but certainly not least was the idea for a rainbow colored candy bar for dessert! This was another hit, especially with all the kids and with my dear fellow pregnant momma. I hit up the bulk store and blew most of my party budget on candy – lol. But it was worth it! I also used a template for some fun rainbow paper cones for people to dish their candy into, which worked out really well. And in case you haven’t figured it out yet, I sort of had the rainbow theme going on throughout the whole party.

And we absolutely cannot forget to mention the Timbits from our beloved Canadian Tim Horton’s, especially since I just found out they cost my dear mommy a very pretty penny, as she got nailed by a speed trap on her way to get them. Thanks mom!!!

As I was planning all the food out, I did get a little stressed out about having enough, but everything turned out absolutely perfectly and we had such a great time filling our bellies with all the goodies! Thank you to everyone who came and contributed and helped make it such a success!!

More yet to come…

So, my birthday celebration actually goes all the way back to the month of June when my husband surprised me with an early birthday present. Since it was a couple months before my actual birthday, he definitely caught me off guard when he showed up at my door with flowers in the mid-afternoon when I was totally not expecting it! I was completely flustered as he whisked me away for a weekend getaway to a romantic couples-only retreat centre out in the country, not too far from where we live. We had a wonderful time simply relaxing, eating yummy food, watching movies, paddle-boating, cycling, a little badminton and horse-shoe throwing (we were both pretty bad) and basically just enjoying each other’s company!

Then, on my actual birthday last week, August 26th, I took the day off and went with my kids to my parents’ house out in the country. The kids had some fun with Grandma and Grandpa and we also visited a good friend of mine and her kids for a playdate. I was treated royally with Kraft Dinner for my birthday lunch and a chocolate chip banana muffin with a candle for dessert – it was perfect!  

That night, Joe and I went out on a date and tried a new restaurant that I’d been wanting to check out after hearing rave reviews – Smoke’s Poutinerie - which totally lived up to my hopes and expectations! I love me some good Canadian poutine and it did not disappoint! But Smoke’s Poutinerie takes poutine up several notches from your average poutine with a wide array of toppings, from chipotle pulled pork (my choice), to spicy curry chicken, to Nacho Grande Supreme (Joe’s choice with chili, salsa, guacamole, sour cream & jalapeno peppers). Or you can go with the classic traditional poutine of hand-cut & seasoned fries topped with their signature rich gravy and Quebec cheese curds – soooo good!!! (Is this sounding like a promotional ad yet??)

After stuffing ourselves to the max (I saw someone else’s large order that looked like it had a whole pound of bacon on it & I can’t imagine how they managed to eat all that!), we proceeded to Starbucks for a lovely time of chatting over Joe’s coffee (I couldn’t manage to find any room left in my stomach for a drink). However, I had received a postcard in the mail for a free Starbucks drink for my birthday, so the next morning, after going grocery shopping with my son Justice, the two of us went for a mommy-date and we shared my free Starbucks.

We couldn’t savor it too long however, since that day was the day for my big 30th birthday party at our house and we had a lot of preparations to still get done!

To be continued…

I feel like it’s been so busy and crazy for the last month and a half that I haven’t had time to sit and think and process everything that has happened. I was barely at the beginning of my journey in grieving the loss of my baby girl Ezana when we got the terrible news about Angie’s death. Now I am trying to figure out how to mourn for both of them and it’s hard. People continually ask how we’re doing and I find it so difficult to answer that question. At times, I feel steadfast in my spirit and even though my life has been shaken, I feel like I’m still standing, by the grace of Jesus and His strength carrying me.

But that doesn’t change the fact that my emotions feel all over the place. I’ve had moments of great joy and laughter, many moments of tears, several moments of fear, a few moments of bewilderment, and some moments of numbness and just feeling overwhelmed. I feel like I don’t really know what to feel or how to feel it. How do I process all the thoughts and emotions? How do I capture the things that God is speaking to me and doing in me through this season of hardship? Is it important for me to capture them or is it okay if I simply take them in, in the moment and then let them fade away into the recesses of my lacking memory?

I had actually wanted to talk to my sister-in-law Angie about what she experienced when she had a couple miscarriages of her own, but we never really ended up getting the opportunity for that conversation before she passed away. I wonder now if she has her hands full in heaven with a couple kids of her own, as well as our baby there to welcome her? In some ways, it was actually comforting to think that my baby had an Auntie in heaven with her. It doesn’t really make any sense, but for some reason I think I thought my baby needed someone to take care of her and to love her, though I know that she was being more than abundantly cared for and loved by her heavenly Father already. Just silly thoughts, but I’m sure God understands my aching mommy’s heart and that He doesn’t mind letting Angie love on her – it’s all His love anyway.

It’s still really hard to let go of my baby. Maybe I’ll share sometime soon about the picture that God showed me as I released her to Him. I think that might have only been the first of many times that I’ll need to release her though. I don’t think I’m even ready to begin thinking about the fact that I actually have to let go of all my kids and release and entrust them to God’s care. It’s hard not to think of them as being primarily my kids when they actually were and will always be God’s first. I’m sure all moms experience this pain at some time of wanting to hold onto our kids so tightly and never let them go. Perhaps this is something too that will happen many times during their lives – as they go to school for the first time, as they get their drivers, as they go on their first date, as they move out of the house, as they get married, and the list goes on. Maybe if I can practice letting go now, it’ll be a tiny bit easier at those future stages??

It’s also completely different grieving the loss of someone I never met, never held, never saw, never heard, and just barely knew as a spirit within my womb compared to someone that I had the chance to know for several years and love for who they were. On one hand, I am grieving the countless lost opportunities that I’ll never experience in this lifetime with my baby daughter and I’m feeling the ache of wanting to know what she looks like, what her voice sounds like, what her personality is, who God created her to be? On the other hand, I am grieving the loss of my sister and I know exactly what I’m missing – I remember the laugh that I won’t hear again, I know the generous heart that I’ll miss, I know the sense of humor that brought so much laughter, I recall the warm, strong hug that I won’t feel again. I’m not sure you could say one is worse or better than the other – they are both equally hard.

Yet, how blessed am I to know that they are both in the presence of God! Though my heart aches and feels the pain of their absence, I can feel the joy of knowing that they have unending joy and that they are gazing into the face of the One I love and long to be with more than any other person. In some ways, this ache is famliar. I’ve felt this pain of separation before. I’ve felt this longing for someone I’ve never seen, never touched, never heard His audible voice, never met in person, yet I know Him and I know His heart and I know what I love about Him and I know what I’m missing. That pain and that mourning for my Bridegroom is stronger than all the others.

Some might question how you could love somone so strongly who you’ve never met, but I think any mother knows that feeling – the moment that deep love is sown in your heart when you find out you’re pregnant, long before you meet your baby. Some might even try to tell you that your baby isn’t real, isn’t a person yet, but your heart and the love that’s there, knows different. And if there are those who question God’s existence and the reality of Jesus because He can’t be seen or proven by our five limited senses, let me tell you that the love and longing in my heart is more real than anything my senses could perceive. Though I’ve not seen Him, I love Him and I wait eagerly for His return – for a grand reunion that will cause all the other reunions I look forward to, to be so dim in comparison.

Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” John 20:29

  Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. 1 Peter 1:8-9

It is with deep sadness and bittersweet joy that I share with you the news of losing my dear sister-in-law Angie to a tragic car accident this last Saturday, April 2nd at the age of 35. While our sorrow and grieving is painful, how grateful we are that we are not without hope and that we can rejoice with her, as she is now in heaven, experiencing the perfect and glorious love and beauty of Jesus and Father God. She no longer has to feel the ache of separation and longing for His presence, she no longer feels pain or sadness or bondage, but she is free to love and to be loved without any hindrances – what joy!!

~ “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death,
so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope…” ~

Jacob, Angie, Chloe & Cliff – 2010

Yet for us who remain here, we feel our loss keenly and it is difficult to imagine life without her beautiful face, her loving arms, and her giving heart. Angie was an older sister to my husband Joe, and she had become my older sister too. As the oldest in my family, I treasured having older sisters through marriage, and Angie was one I called often with questions about motherhood, health concerns (she was a nurse), or just to chat. Though we knew each other for only 6 years and were sisters separated by distance, I loved and cherished her friendship.

~ “For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God
will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him…” ~

 
Angie with newborn daughter Chloe and son Jacob during a visit to their home in B.C. in 2006

She was a woman who loved God and loved people – fulfilling the two greatest commandments! She was a treasured daughter, a beloved sister, an incredible wife and mother, an amazing auntie, and dear friend. I wish I had the words to express what she meant to so many people, but I don’t even know a tiny fraction of the people she has loved and impacted with her life. I am simply thankful that I was one of those people and that I got to be on the receiving end of her love for a short time. From the first moment I met her, she made me feel accepted and embraced into their family and like I was immediately her sister. I wish I could share the unique and hilarious story of my first memory of her from my wedding, but I’m afraid it contains slightly inappropriate content. However, through that experience, she made me feel loved and cared for and I’ll never forget it!

~ “According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive,
who are left until the coming of the Lord,
will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep…” ~

With Joe’s family at our wedding in 2005 – their son Jacob was our ringbearer

It is still hard to believe and accept that she is truly gone, yet we are eternally grateful that God allowed us to share several days with her just the weekend before her passing. Joe and I and our kids had all traveled to Alberta for his dad’s birthday and almost his entire family was able to be there to celebrate together. We hadn’t thought we would be able to go, but the Lord provided a way for us to spend four wonderful days with Joe’s parents, siblings, nieces & nephews. What an incredible gift that her last days were with her family, simply enjoying & loving each other!

~ “For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud shout,
with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God,
and the dead in Christ will rise first…” ~

Angie, Joe & Rayah when she visited us in Winnipeg in May 2010

 
Auntie Angie with Rayah during her visit to Winnipeg in May 2010

Auntie Angie and Justice during her visit to Winnipeg in May 2010

After their visit, Angie and her husband Cliff, and their two kids, Jacob (8) and Chloe (5), were driving back to their home in British Columbia, when they encountered bad road conditions and were involved in a terrible collision with a large truck and another car. Though Angie is now in heaven, she leaves behind a family who’s pain and loss is unimaginable.

~ “After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them
in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever…” ~

 
Recent family pictures taken by Angie’s niece Taylor

Cliff has extensive, but non-life threatening injuries that are being treated in Calgary, Alberta. Jacob has two broken legs and Chloe has a broken ankle and possibly some vision issues and they are also receiving care in Calgary. They are being surrounded and supported by family as they recover and as they attempt to heal physically and emotionally. Please keep them in your prayers, as well as the rest of Joe’s family who are mourning their loss while seeking to help the children deal with their loss at the same time.

~ “Therefore encourage one another with these words.” 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ~

Family picture from 2008

If you are a friend or relative of the family and wish to be kept up-to-date on Cliff and the kids’ medical conditions, Cliff’s family has a website where you can read the latest and pray accordingly. If you wish to leave words of love, memories, prayers, pictures, etc. for Angie and her family, there is a Facebook Page for “Remembering Angela Wiebe“.

Thank you for your prayers! Though we are grieving, it is grief with hope, knowing that we will see Angie again and that we will be together with the Lord forever! In the midst of trial, trouble, and the storms of this life, He is always faithful, always good and He sustains us with His love.

Well, I had so much fun last year participating in the Ultimate Blog Party hosted by 5 Minutes For Mom, that I knew I definitely wanted to join in again this year! It was really great to meet some new bloggers and have new visitors to my blog, so I’m excited about who I’ll meet this time around!

This year, I made my first attempt at creating & editing a video, so you can watch me as I give you a small glimpse into my life or read the list of things about me below with some links to some other blog posts on my site that you can check out. (The video is just under 10 minutes, so I apologize that it’s so long! If you don’t have time to watch it – I totally understand!)

1. My name is Jacquie and I am a Christian work-at-home-mom who is expectantly awaiting the return of Jesus to the earth! I am married to my amazing husband Joe and we celebrated our 6th anniversary this last January. You can read about how we met & got married here.
2. I have a very active, mischievous and rambunctious 3 year old son named Justice who adds much drama to life – I love him to pieces, even though he drives me a little crazy at times! Here’s his birth story.
3. I have a beautiful, sweet and sensitive 1 1 /2 year old daughter named Rayah who loves to dance and drape clothing around her shoulders and who is learning how to be a troublemaker from her big brother. She is pudgy and extremely squishable and you can read her birth story here.
4. About 3 weeks ago, I had my first (and hopefully last) miscarriage. It is obviously still fresh and I am still processing all my emotions about it, but Jesus has been faithful to carry me through as I am grieving and healing. Though I was only 5 1/2 weeks along in my pregnancy, it was still a difficult loss. We decided that our baby was a girl and we gave her a name that was made up by our son – Ezana. I guess she just couldn’t wait to go be with Jesus in heaven, so I can’t say I blame her, though I do miss the opportunity to get to hold her and know her in this life.
5. I live in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada and we have had an especially cold and long winter this year, so we are just now starting to finally see some signs of spring! Though the weather has its downfalls, since we’re nearly at the exact centre of Canada, I am thankful that I don’t need to worry about earthquakes or tsunamis where I live. We have a lovely home near a small river with some beautiful trails in the forest, so I’m looking forward to enjoying them again as the weather warms up!
6. If you watch the video above, you’ll see that we’re a family that loves music! Though we can often be out-of-touch with what’s current in the music scene, we love to create our own music and our home is often filled with singing, dancing, drumming, guitar and/or piano playing, etc.
7. Since my maternity leave ended last October, it has been interesting trying to balance the roles of part-time computer programmer and full-time mommy to two busy toddlers! I’m definitely thankful for my iPhone that has helped me stay organized, but I find it is a challenge trying to give your best to two different jobs at the same time. However, I’m very thankful for the flexibility my job provides me and that I am able to stay home with my kids!
8. I have been blogging on and off for over 6 years and I really enjoy it, but I find it so hard to find the time to blog as often as I would like. I don’t know how some of you moms do it when you are have way more on your plate than I do! I find myself blogging mostly about my kids and various product reviews, but my real passion is to blog about Jesus and how amazing He is, so this is something that I hope to do more.
9. Though I am an incredibly amateur photographer and I seem to only be taking pictures with my iPhone lately, I do love it and I’m doing a 365 photography project this year, which you can view here. I’m kind of like my mother and am a little bit obsessed with capturing every moment on camera so I can remember and relive it forever – perhaps this is because I have such a terrible memory?
10. I think prayer is the greatest way we can impact our world, so I love being part of Sanctuary House of Prayer, where we get to intercede to God for Him to come and transform our hearts & our city with His love and power. I participate as a worship leader on piano and as an intercessor and we also host a weekly prayer meeting in our home.
11. I love Starbucks Cinnamon Dolcé lattes and Chai Tea lattes, McDonald’s fries, cottage cheese rolls, sweet potato fries, hot spinach & artichokes with cheese dip, Barq’s rootbeer, and milk!
12. I am passionate about seeing God bring justice to the earth – life for unborn babies, adoption for the orphan, freedom for those caught in human trafficking, provision to the poor, protection to the persecuted, healing for the sick, peace for the war-torn, etc. etc.
13. Here are a few random favorite posts: The Oil of His Name, Love Letters #867, My Favorite Cookies, The Fear of Pain, I Love My Fist, Our Mission Statement, Maternity Photo Shoot, and Rayah at 4 months.

So, now that you know a little bit about me, feel free to browse around, leave a comment and introduce yourself!

I would also love to offer a prize to everyone who’s reading! If you win, I will give you a choice of a $20 gift card for either Starbucks, the iTunes store, or Amazon. To enter the draw, simply leave a comment below and I will do a draw after the Ultimate Blog Party is over, on April 9th at 9:00 am Central Time. Make sure to include your email or twitter handle so that I have a way to contact you if you are the winner! To earn extra entries, you can leave an additional comment for doing any of the following:

• Subscribe to my blog
• Follow me on Networked Blogs
• Follow me on Google Friend Connect
• Follow me on twitter
• Tweet about this blog post
• Visit my 365 Photography Blog and come back here to tell me which is your favorite photo.

For all the places to find me on the world wide web, visit my profile at http://about.me/echoinghim

For example, if I am afraid of my daughter dying in her sleep, I am actually afraid of all the emotional pain that will come with that event – the loneliness, guilt, missing her, combined with feeling the burden of everyone else’s pain, like my husband’s, son’s, parents’, etc.  In my imagination, all I can see is how painful it will be and I’m afraid that I won’t have the fortitude to endure it and that I will completely fall apart and collapse into a deep pit of depression.  Woah.  Kind of crazy!  In all my fearful imaginings about things that will probably never happen, I completely forget about the fact that God will be with me in my pain and bring comfort, strength, and even joy in the midst of it.  He will not abandon me, leave me or forsake me and He will be faithful to bring me through every circumstance, no matter how painful.

But as we were praying, the Lord brought something else to my mind from the book Fearless by Max Lucado that I read and reviewed on this site last fall.  In it, Lucado painted a picture of the garden of Gethsemane that I had never seen before.  In Mark 14:32-36 (Amplified) it says,

³²Then they went to a place called Gethsemane, and He said to His disciples, Sit down here while I pray. ³³And He took with Him Peter and James and John, and began to be ^[a]struck with terror and amazement and deeply troubled and depressed. ³⁴And He said to them, My soul is exceedingly sad (overwhelmed with grief) so that it almost kills Me! Remain here and keep awake and be watching. ³⁵And going a little farther, He fell on the ground and kept praying that if it were possible the [^[b]fatal] hour might pass from Him. ³⁶And He was saying, Abba, [which means] Father, everything is possible for You. Take away this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You [will]. (emphasis mine)

Lucado comments on how the disciple Mark ”paints the picture of Jesus as pale faced and trembling. ‘Horror . . . came over him’ (Mark 14:33 NEB). The word horror is ‘used of a man who is rendered helpless, disoriented, who is agitated  and anguished by the threat of some approaching event.’” (Fearless, 82) He goes on to say…

We’ve never seen Christ like this. Not in the Galilean storm, at the demoniac’s necropolis, or on the edge of the Nazarene cliff. We’ve never heard such screams from his voice or seen his eyes this wide. And never, ever, have we read a sentence  like this: “He plunged into a sinkhole of dreadful agony” (Mark 14:33 MSG). This is a weighty moment. God has become flesh, and Flesh is feeling fear full bore. (Fearless, 82)

The  cup equaled Jesus’ worst-case scenario: to be the recipient of God’s wrath. He had never felt God’s fury, didn’t deserve to. He’d never experienced isolation from his Father; the two had been one for eternity. He’d never known physical death; he was an immortal being. Yet within a few short hours, Jesus would face them all. God would unleash his sin-hating wrath on the sin-covered Son. And Jesus was afraid. Deathly afraid. (Fearless, 83)

For me, it was hard to imagine that Jesus actually felt fear and was afraid of pain, just like me!  Yet Hebrews 4:15 says, “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.“  So, Jesus really truly knows and understands how I feel, because he felt it!  When I hope to avoid painful circumstances, Jesus also asked His Father if He could possibly avoid enduring the pain of the cross.  However, Jesus did not let His fear completely cripple or immobilize Him, nor did He allow His fear to cause Him to sin in any way.  Neither did He allow His fear to keep Him from completely fulfilling and obeying the will of His Father.  He did not get angry at God or accuse Him for allowing Him to endure pain, but He brought His fears to His Father in prayer and supplication, asking for the strength and help to make it through. 

There’s probably a lot more that could be said about the way Jesus prayed, how He recruited His friends to pray with Him, how He had faith in His Father’s perfect will, how He trusted His Father, how He set His gaze on the reward of His suffering, and who knows how many more great lessons from this story, but for the time being, I am simply encouraged and comforted by knowing that Jesus can sympathize with me in my weakness, because He knows what it felt like to be afraid.