We are not perfect. (No kidding!) I might have thought we were both pretty close before we got married but marriage is a good way to reveal those hidden flaws. However, I would much rather have those things revealed so that the Lord can work on them! “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” (Proverbs 27:17) We are better together because the Lord uses us to sharpen each other and cause each other to grow. I am so thankful for Joe’s gentle sharpening through the last 5 years and for the ways he continually challenges me to go deeper in God.

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” (Ephesians 5:25) I am continually amazed, blessed, and grateful for the ways my husband seeks to love me with the same love that Jesus loves His bride, the church. Over the last 5 years, I have watched him grow in selflessness as he joyfully serves me and our children, putting our needs before his own.

“Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.” (Ephesians 5:22) I have learned that I have trouble submitting to the Lord – I tend to lean towards the mantra, “I do what I want, when I want, how I want” – and I learned about this area of weakness through discovering that I didn’t really want to submit to my husband either. Apparently, these to go hand-in-hand with each other, so I’m praying that as I grow in one area, it will also translate to growth in the other. I’m a bit of a slow learner, so maybe ask me in another five years how I’m doing and hopefully I’ll be able to say that I have too have grown in selflessness and have learned how to submit to my earthly husband and my heavenly Bridegroom.

⁹ Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their work:
¹⁰ If one falls down,
his friend can help him up.
But pity the man who falls
and has no one to help him up!
¹¹ Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
¹² Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Yes, I realize I’m using a lot of cliché marriage passages, but it really is true! “Two are better than one” and I’m so glad I have someone next to me as my partner in life, to help me up when I fall down, to keep me warm (yes, I made a good cuddler out of him!), and to fight alongside me in the battles that come our way. I am immensely grateful for a husband who listens to the voice of the Holy Spirit and who is intensely in love with Jesus – “a cord of three strands is not quickly broken“.

Thank you honey for five amazing years and may we share many more!

First of all, the book and DVDs introduce couples to the idea of “unconditional love and respect” from the verse Ephesians 5:33 which says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” As Eggerichs expanded on this idea, I was totally convicted by the Holy Spirit in areas where I had not been showing my husband the respect that he needs as a man. It was a new revelation to see how God had created and designed my husband to need this respect in a completely unique way from the way He created me to need love. This was followed by some fantastic teaching on how we can make our spouse feel loved/respected and the different ways we communicate and interpret our worlds based on our unique pink/blue lenses. It was really great to discover that we have different needs and that we’re not wrong to feel the way we do – we’re just different!

My eyes were opened to see the ways I was being disrespectful to my husband and it equipped me with ideas on how I can really build him up and be the helpmate God intended me to be through my respectful behavior towards him. On the other hand, I have also already been reaping the benefits of increased acts of love from my husband, which is certainly a bonus! We are both recognizing more quickly when we have gotten on the “Crazy Cycle”, as Eggerichs calls it, and how to work through those conflicts and get on the “Energizing Cycle”. (You can read the book for yourself to find out what those are all about!) We were also both really pleased with how the teaching series ended with focusing on the importance of making Jesus the focus and center of this message, since ultimately, the way we love and respect our spouse is directly related to our love and reverence for Christ.

I would absolutely recommend this book and/or DVD series to any engaged, married, separated, or divorced couple who wants to either build a great foundation for starting their marriage, improve upon a good marriage, or repair a badly damaged marriage. (I also know some single people who’ve really enjoyed this teaching, so it seems I could recommend it to just about everyone!) The many testimonies from couples that Eggerichs shares are proof that getting this revelation of what the Bible says about unconditional love and respect can radically change our marriages for the better! And while my husband and I found areas where we do not fit the typical mold of how most men and women communicate or react, we were still able to discover how to apply the principles to our relationship and the conversations we had while watching the DVDs were probably the highlight of it all!

As for the comparison between the book and the DVD series, I would say that I enjoyed the DVD series more because Eggerichs is a dynamic and humorous communicator in a way that doesn’t come through quite as well in the written form. But I am also really glad I have the book, because it allows me to go back easily to reference points I want to review. The content between them is virtually identical, but I’d say there’s more detail in the book as well, which you may benefit from if you’ve only seen the DVDs. For more info, you can also visit their website at www.loveandrespect.com.

It is 4:54 am and once again my bladder has rudely awoken me from my slumber, demanding to be relieved.  As I awkwardly roll out of bed to go to the bathroom, I hear my son whimper from his nursery and I pray that he will fall back asleep.   When I crawl back into bed, my husband turns on his side with his back to me so that I can curl my body up against his – though this is harder these days with my mounding belly creating a gap between us.  He has to get up in just a few minutes to get ready for work, since he’s putting in overtime this week.  I soak in the few moments I get to cuddle with him and hope it won’t be too hard to fall back asleep once he gets up. 

At 5:11 am my son begins to cry again.  I struggle with indecision on how to respond, remembering a couple days ago when I went to him around this time in the morning and how, even in my arms, he would not go back to sleep for an hour and half.  As I again pray that he will go back to sleep on his own, I hear my husband slip into the nursery to give our son a soother and thankfully get him to go back to sleep.  I fall into a light sleep, rolling around as I try to find a comfortable position and maneuver the pillow that I keep folded between my knees.  At 5:51 am my son cries again and this time I get up, throw on my bath robe and go to his room.  I pick him up from his crib and we settle into the recliner in his room where I try to get him to sleep a little longer so that I can get a few more winks myself.  His eyes are closed, but he is restless, moving around and kicking often.  Neither of us get much sleep, but it still seems better than having to start the day just yet.

Around 7:00 am we finally get up and I prepare my son’s usual porridge mixed with mashed banana.  He smiles and opens his mouth eagerly for each bite, complaining when it’s all gone.  I quickly get him a handful of Cheerios to snack on so that I can have my own breakfast.  I make my usual two pieces of toast with peanut butter and jam and a glass of milk and make sure to take my prenatal vitamin.  As Justice finishes up his Cheerios, he reaches longingly towards my toast, begging for a bite, but this morning I’m selfish and don’t share.    Then it’s time to get dressed and go to my computer to start my work day.

The next four and half hours go by as they often do.  Justice plays happily by himself.  Justice comes and throws a toy on my desk.  Justice buries his face in my leg.  I pick him up and let him sit on my lap for a bit.  He tries to play with my mouse and bang on the keyboard of my laptop.  I put him down and he cries.  He finds a toy and starts to hit me with it.  I take the toy from him, scold him and ask him if he wants a time out, to which he promptly replies “No!”  He goes back to playing.  I try to get some work done.  He comes back and starts reaching for my laptop, trying to press the keys.  I try to block my keyboard with my hand, so he starts to play with my fingers.  He stands next to me and for a long time, massages my hand, poking and prodding with his little fingers, digging in his little nails, probing between my knuckles, and feeling for bones and tendons.  Not much work is getting done with only one hand to type with.  I finally withdraw my hand and he cries mournfully.  Knowing that he is teething and there is only one thing I can do that will help distract him from needing to be near me at all times, I go to fetch his soother.  He runs off to play, but I catch a whiff of something nasty and check his diaper – yes, it’s definitely time for a change!  At first he lays down without a struggle, but as soon as he is clean, he rolls over and tries to make his escape.  When I catch him to lay him back down, he screams as though mortally wounded and flails in resistance to my efforts until I find something to distract him with so I can finish the job.  Then he is off running again!  I decide now is a good time for his morning sippy cup of milk.  As I warm it up quickly in the microwave, he reaches up and whimpers with impatience, burying his face between my legs as I get it ready.  When I give it to him, he immediately heads for his favorite spot on the loveseat in the office where he crawls up and then lies down to drink his milk.  I get a few moments of peace to work again, except that my stupid mouse keeps double-clicking on it’s own accord, repeatedly performing numerous undesirable actions, inciting curses within my mind and some growls out loud.  It’s not long before more toys are being thrown onto my desk and Justice decides to give me a few more hand massages.  There’s another poopy diaper to change and multiple more times where I pick him up to sit on my lap until he drives me too crazy and I set him back down.  As lunch time approaches, he becomes more and more antsy and buries his face into my lap, practically begging me to stop working and feed his hungry belly.  Finally I comply with his wishes and log off for the day, thankful that I managed to get in my required time.

Today he gets a PBJ sandwich, which he eats three quarters of it really well, but then just wants to play with and mash and tear up the last quarter.  After a few pieces of cheese and some fruit sauce, I let him out of his booster seat and I manage to finish my warmed up leftovers in between feeding him.  He is not a happy camper, however, and it soon becomes apparent that it’s time for his nap.  Today he goes down without a fight and I curl up on the loveseat in the office to finish a sort of sappy Christian novel that I started yesterday.  I skim over several parts because I’m impatient and then end up a bit disappointed to discover that this book is part of a series and I’ll have to borrow the other books from the library if I want to find out how it all ends.  I’m not too convinced I care enough to make the effort.  My husband calls to let me know he’s going to work another hour extra after work.  Before long, I fall asleep myself for a little nap until I’m awakened by my son’s cries.  Technically, he has napped really well today and I could probably get him up, but I’m still tired, so I go into his room, scoop him up and take him to the recliner again, hoping to get a little longer nap for both of us.

He immediately falls back asleep in my arms, so I feel justified that he needed more rest as well.  Yet, as much as I long to go back to sleep too, I find myself staring at his beautiful, sweet face.  I drink in his peaceful countenance and savor the feel of his little hand resting on my chest.  His breathing is deep and I treasure this time to hold and cuddle him, feeling the bittersweet realization that these moments will be coming to an end soon when baby #2 arrives.  I wish for the moment to be frozen in time and sealed forever in my memory, feeling like time is going by far too quickly.  My baby boy is growing up so fast and the opportunities to rock him in my arms will continually become fewer and farther between.  Even as I feel such love and joy swelling in my heart, there is a part of me that mourns the loss of this.  While I will have another precious infant to hold in only a few weeks, I realize that no child can replace another – that each one will have their own unique and special place in my heart that is theirs alone.  I smile as he shifts in his sleep and his little hand sways and gropes, searching for me.  Just touching my garments is never sufficient and even as he slumbers, his fingers don’t rest until flesh touches flesh.  To keep him from squeezing my neck or exploring the interior of my mouth, I offer my hand to him and he settles down again, happy to massage my fingers.  Finally, I close my eyes and enjoy some rest until he wakes up.

Once we’re up and about, I decide we need to get outside.  The clouds in the sky look ominous, but we go out anyway.  Justice relishes the chance to run around the yard and as I follow him, I notice the growing number of rocks that Justice has thrown into the fire-pit, regardless of our countless admonishments not to.  I decide to start to try and fish as many as I can out and simultaneously keep him from throwing them back in.  It isn’t long before I start to notice the rain drops falling on us and our time outdoors is cut short. 

Though my husband, Joe, will be home later than usual today, I decide to start getting supper ready.  While Justice tears apart the kitchen, I look at the month’s menu which is printed off and displayed on my fridge door.  My plan is to make a new recipe I got from my mom, but when I look at the ingredients and directions, I discover that it’s exactly the same as another recipe given to me by my sister, just with a different name!  I’m not in the mood for that recipe, so I start searching the Internet and my recipes software program for something simple I can make with chicken.  I’d love to barbecue something, but the rain is not allowing for it.  Finally I find one that looks easy and quick and which I happen to have most of the ingredients for – yay!  I get to work on supper, while also making trips to and from the basement to do a few loads of laundry.  Justice happily follows and enjoys playing with the dryer door, which buzzes whenever he opens it.  Once I have our supper in the oven, Joe calls to remind me that he has to pick up diapers from Wal-Mart, so to go ahead and eat without him.  So, I feed Justice his supper and partake of my own, which has turned out incredibly fabulously!  I love it when a new recipe turns out great! 

Just as I’m about to start on the dreaded task of cleaning my microwave, I hear a knock on the living room window.  I figure it’s Joe wanting to pop up and say ‘hi’ to Justice, but instead, as I go to investigate, I see a pot of beautiful deep burnt red garden mums slowing rising up from the ground where Joe is crouching.  I can’t help but to allow a huge smile to grow on my face and I feel my love tank getting filled up on the inside from his thoughtful gift!  I love it when he surprises me with flowers and when he brings them inside, I bury my nose in them and savor the sweet fragrance.  Joe jokes with me about not killing them, but inevitably, this is probably exactly what I’ll do, so I’d better enjoy them while they last! 

I pull Joe’s supper out of the oven, which I was keeping warm for him, and I sit down at the table with him while he eats.  Justice runs around laughing and talking and we smile at each other, enjoying this moment of joy and peace.  Joe agrees that the supper is amazing and praises me for being the most diverse cook he has ever known (I’ve been on a bit of a binge lately with trying new recipes).  Again, my love tank gauge rises with his words of affirmation.  As he finishes his supper, he begins to attack Justice with tickles, sending him into fits of giggles and squeals.  There is seriously nothing quite like our son’s laughter – it’s truly the best sound ever!  I join in on the fun and give Justice belly farts, since Joe’s unshaven face prevents him from getting a good seal.    We then move to the living room to relax and let Justice run around and burn off some more energy for awhile.  When I smell another whiff of nasty, I’m amazed that Justice has had his third poopy diaper for the day, and we decide that now is as a good a time as ever for a bath.

Justice joins Joe in the tub while he showers and then they have a bath together.  While they get nice and squeaky clean, I go around the house gathering all the toys and putting them away and tidying up the kitchen.  I go downstairs to get some laundry and begin folding it until they’re done, at which point I go to help dry Justice off and get him ready for bed.  When Joe is done getting dressed, he gathers Justice’s books and lays them out to let Justice pick three that he wants to read – I smile to myself as Justice picks out the three books we both knew were his favorites.  I’m grateful as well when Joe takes the initiative to put Justice down for bed and I go to the office where I pull out the journal I started keeping before Justice was even conceived and in which I write him letters and prayers.  Today seems like the perfect day to tell him how I’m feeling and how much I love him and that, though things are going to change when his baby sister arrives, that my love for him is constant. 

As I’m writing, I hear Joe go to the kitchen and start cleaning up the dishes and then I hear him taking over my abandoned task of cleaning the microwave.  The love tank gauge rises once more as he demonstrates his love with a simple act of service.  I peak my head out of the office and ask him if he’ll boil some water for me so I can have a hot drink, but I don’t mention the microwave – I’ll maybe wait for later, since I know he doesn’t always want to be recognized when he does something for me.  When he comes to join me in the office, he comes bearing a mug, with my Chai tea fully prepared – what a sweetheart!  He turns on the webstream to the prayer room at the International House of Prayer and settles on the loveseat to read his Bible.  Intermittently, we’ll both interrupt each other to comment on something, and then return to our individual tasks, simply enjoying being in the same room together.  At one point, I glance behind me to see that his mouth is hanging open and he is fast asleep.  By this time, I’ve started writing this blog entry, so I just smile and continue typing.  Again, a surge of gratitude wells up in me for all the Lord has blessed me with.  Our lives are not perfect, but today I feel the kiss of God on us and the sweetness of His goodness towards us.  I adore my son, I love our unborn baby girl who is constantly making her presence known by her movements within me, and I am in love with my husband who also adores us all.

It’s time for bed now.  My husband has already gone to warm up the sheets and I need to get in a few more cuddles to get my love tank topped up.   

Here’s what it is: Couples individually write out an agreed upon number of “requests” or “ideas” that would make them feel loved or special. Put them somewhere (a jar perhaps?) and then once a week each spouse draws from the other spouses ideas and does it sometime that week. 

This could require some restrictions like as to how much money can be spent, or the length of request. (Paint the whole house may be a bit much)

So, when I told Joe about this idea, he was totally all for it & insisted that we have a craft project and make our own little love boxes.  Here is how they turned out…

I love how our self-decorated boxes totally reveal our different personalities – lol! We had fun making them and I have already benefited from it by receiving a couple very wonderful head massages!

He got me a new mug, because he lost mine – haha – and then he filled it with milk to go with my chocolate covered almonds, which we then smuggled into the theatre where we watched a matinee of ”Prince Caspian”.  After that, we went out for supper to a restaurant called Joey’s Grill & Lounge, which we previously knew as Joey Tomato’s in Calgary.  There’s one particular meal I just LOVE at this restaurant and we weren’t sure if it was the same restaurant or not, but it was – yay!  I should’ve taken a picture of my meal, but basically, I always get the Club Med which is a fabulous chicken burger with a garlic aeoli sauce, accompanied by a big bowl of skinny fries.  What makes it really great though is that I always ask for a side dish of the garlic aeoli sauce and I dip my fries in it – soooooo good!  Here are some pictures of me and my hunny – I love this guy!!

Personally, it has really challenged me to pay attention and have gratitude for all of the characteristics about Joe that I have come to admire and love about him.  I think we often take these for granted and don’t realize how many things our husbands do that bring joy and blessings to our homes.  It has also challenged me to set a guard over my mouth, watching more carefully the words I speak to Joe and about him to others.  In fact, I truly want people to know how much I love my husband and how amazing he is and share with you all, just a few of the things I love about him, which I have been reminded of this past month…

1. How he pursued me & continues to pursue me 
2. His spirit of excellence
3. His tender heart
4. His zeal and passion
5. How he constantly affirms me
6. His creativity
7. His generosity
8. His commitment and faithfulness to me
9. His desire for holiness
10. His ridiculously good looks! 
11. His humility
12. His amazing work ethic
13. His leadership in our family
14. His love for Jesus
15. His boldness
16. His honesty
17. His love for the Word
18. He’s a great kisser!
19. His faith
20. His vision for the future
21. His sense of humor
22. His strength
23. His kindness
24. He “gets” me
25. The way he loves our unborn baby
26. His passion for prayer
27. How he accepts & embraces me – the good & the bad
28. How he uses his gifts for God
29. He’s romantic
30. His wisdom
31. He’s a great listener

I LOVE MY HUSBAND!!

Our day started off with Joe making us some wonderful pancakes for breakfast, after which I blindfolded him before taking him to our first activity of the day, which was a rousing game of BINGO! at the Club Regent Casino!  lol.  Neither of us had ever done this before, so we had lots of questions for the staff and were a little clueless at the beginning, but soon got a hold of things.  There was around 30+ rounds, but we played only 16 of them with the cards we had purchased.  The whole game took about 2 hours from start to finish and we had fun besides the whole not-winning thing!    I don’t expect we’ll be going back any time soon, but it was a fun, fairly inexpensive form of entertainment.

Next, I had planned to have the buffet lunch at the Royal Palms restaurant at the casino, but the line-up was ridiculous, so we watched the fish in the big tunnel aquarium for a bit and then went for some Chinese at the mall’s food court nearby.  Then, my plans were foiled again, because I had wanted to take Joe ice-skating at The Forks, but it was the coldest day EVER!!!  You just about wanted to cry every time you went outside – lol.  So, instead we went to a big baby furniture store called e-children and looked at diaper bags and strollers and rocking chairs and stuff.  We didn’t come away with any purchases, but it was good to get a better idea of what we wanted.

After that we went to The Forks anyway, but we stayed inside mostly and observed the big model train set-up they had on display, got some mini-donuts, and then took a very short walk outside to look at the rinks they had made on the river and slipped around on the ice a bit before running back inside.    We wouldn’t have been able to go ice-skating anyway since they had cancelled all their outdoor activities due to the windchill.

Next, I took Joe out for dinner to the Royal Crown revolving restaurant for a lovely meal with a beautiful view of our grand city of Winnipeg. 

After that, we came back home and watched two movies!  First was Amazing Grace, the story of the man who abolished slavery in Britain, which was really good!  Then, we also watched 3:10 to Yuma, a cowboy/outlaw type movie, which was also pretty good.  After this, we fell into an exhausted sleep – it was a FULL day, but lots of fun!  Everything didn’t go as planned, but in the end, it didn’t really matter what we were doing, just that we did it all together and enjoyed each other’s company.  I love my husband so much and love spending this time with just him before our baby arrives.  It has been an amazing three years just the two of us, and I have truly treasured it – and yet, much of our day was spent talking and dreaming about how incredible it’s going to be when Justice comes and we have a family of 3!  We have much to be thankful for and much to look forward to!

So far it has been really good for me, even to just remind myself of many of the reasons I love Joe and all the things about him that I am thankful for.  He is truly God’s perfect gift to me and he continually amazes me with the ways he loves me.  I am blessed beyond measure to have this incredible man of God as my husband!  It has also been challenging me to grow in my role as his wife and look for ways I can be a support and encouragement to him.  I want him to be confident in my love and know how much I appreciate him.  

Essentially, the challenge is to say only positive things about your husband when speaking to others, and to also only say positive things to him personally – building him up with your words in both public and in private.  Additionally, there is a prayer guide for the 30 days to supplement the daily challenges.  Here are the documents you’ll need if you’d like to participate:

30 Day Husband Encouragement Challenge
31 Days of Praying for Your Husband

Are you in?  If so, feel free to join in on the discussion here at “Far Above Pearls”, at my cousin’s blog “Tammy Is Blessed” or by writing your thoughts on your own blog!