My Word for 2017: Trust

It’s been a VERY long time since I have written on this blog, but I felt that it was time for me to write something, even if it’s just to get me back into writing. I didn’t know what to write about, but I thought that sharing about my word for 2017 was a good place to start in this new year.

This is our fourth year as a family, prayerfully each choosing a word for the year ahead that we feel God is speaking to us. The previous 3 years we each created a painting to depict our word, but this year we did something different and made bracelets with our words so that we would have that daily visual reminder with us everywhere we go.

2017 Words for the year

2016 was a crazy year for us. God unexpectedly added a beautiful little girl to our family through fostering and my husband stepped down from his role in full-time ministry. Our plans for our jobs which had seemed a sure thing, completely fell through. We have gone through a season of difficult heart-searching, loss, grieving, and our Father’s loving & firm chastening. Our future right now is very uncertain as we look ahead to what God may have for us next. There are a lot of areas that tempt me into worry and anxiety, so it felt necessary and right for me to choose the word TRUST.

Trust

As I was struggling with many questions about my purpose and calling and the dreams in my heart, I was listening to the song “Have it All” by Brian Johnson, and it was wrecking me. The lyrics of the chorus go as follows:

You can have it all, Lord
Every part of my world
Take this life and breathe on
This heart that is now Yours

There are so many things that I try to hold in my hands and keep within my control, not wanting to let go and release them to God. There are many good things that God has even given to me and my tendency is to want to hold on to those things tightly. He has been asking me to loosen my grip and be willing to trust Him with all these things I hold so dear and be willing to let them go to Him. Then there are the other not-so-good things I need to let go of – He wants to have those too. The list (both good & not good things) is long…

  • my husband
  • my children
  • my home
  • my job
  • my free time
  • my frustrations
  • my annoyances
  • my bad habits
  • my body
  • my bitterness
  • my fears
  • my worry & anxiety
  • my worship
  • my love
  • my strength
  • my weakness
  • my voice
  • my identity
  • my anger
  • my hurts & pain
  • my sin
  • my failures
  • my successes
  • my money
  • my possessions
  • my gifts & abilities
  • my dreams
  • my desires & longings
  • my insecurities
  • my pride
  • my words
  • my sorrow & sadness
  • my songs
  • my eating & drinking
  • my sleep
  • my prayers
  • my hopes
  • my sickness
  • my thoughts
  • my offense
  • my questions
  • my future
  • my shame
  • my joy
  • my brokenness
  • my relationships
  • my family members
  • my eyes – what I look at
  • my ears – what I listen to
  • my image & reputation
  • my unbelief
  • my needs

And He wants it all.

This is not easy. It is painful and messy. Fear comes at me in a million ways. Especially if I let go of my dreams and desires, can I really trust God to not leave me empty and alone? I feel afraid of being secluded, isolated, and left out. I feel afraid of feeling bored and unfulfilled. I feel afraid of not pleasing Him by doing more to advance His Kingdom or feeling like I’ve failed Him. I’m afraid of obscurity, hiddenness, and waiting. I’m afraid I won’t have the grace or patience or depth of character needed to be content in this season of waiting for His direction and leading and not knowing if any of these dreams of mine will come to pass.

The painful truth is that I don’t really trust Him and I would rather try and control them all myself, even though I know I don’t actually have the ability to make my desires or dreams materialize. My attempts at control have failed and will continue to fail. My only way forward is surrender. But it is so hard. If I truly let it all go, and let Him have it all, and submit to Him, what if He says, “No?” Or what if He takes that thing and all that is left is an empty, gaping hole? What if He doesn’t fill it? The enemy attacks with doubts and lies on all sides.

But He still wants it all. He wants all of me. Every part. He doesn’t want me to hold anything back from Him. He wants me to love Him with all my heart, all my soul, all my mind, and all my strength. And He wants me to trust Him with everything. To trust that He is always good and always right.

I felt compelled to write the first line of that song on my hands that night. It was my war paint. My declaration to God, to myself, and to the enemy.

Have it All Lord

Each day is a battle. A fight against the fears. A war against the lies. A struggle to choose trust. But it is my way forward.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding, but in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths. Proverbs. 3:5

What is your word for 2017?

Comments

  1. So glad to see your update. I’m sorry you’ve been through a rough year. I know how I felt when I was laid off from my church job of 10 years. That was two years ago and I’m still walking out healing from wounded places. I hope you will keep writing. Blessings!

    • Thanks Barbie! Seasons of transition and change are never easy, but He has been so good to us, even as He takes us through some painful stuff. Blessings on you wherever He is leading you now. :)