Book Review: Love & Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

I recently had the opportunity (through BookSneeze.com) to review the book “Love & Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, and coincidentally was also able to watch the 5 Disc Conference DVD set at the same time. My husband and I started reading the book together, but then found it much easier and less time-consuming to watch the DVDs. I finished reading the book on my own and found it interesting to then compare the book with the DVDs.

First of all, the book and DVDs introduce couples to the idea of “unconditional love and respect” from the verse Ephesians 5:33 which says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” As Eggerichs expanded on this idea, I was totally convicted by the Holy Spirit in areas where I had not been showing my husband the respect that he needs as a man. It was a new revelation to see how God had created and designed my husband to need this respect in a completely unique way from the way He created me to need love. This was followed by some fantastic teaching on how we can make our spouse feel loved/respected and the different ways we communicate and interpret our worlds based on our unique pink/blue lenses. It was really great to discover that we have different needs and that we’re not wrong to feel the way we do – we’re just different!

My eyes were opened to see the ways I was being disrespectful to my husband and it equipped me with ideas on how I can really build him up and be the helpmate God intended me to be through my respectful behavior towards him. On the other hand, I have also already been reaping the benefits of increased acts of love from my husband, which is certainly a bonus! We are both recognizing more quickly when we have gotten on the “Crazy Cycle”, as Eggerichs calls it, and how to work through those conflicts and get on the “Energizing Cycle”. (You can read the book for yourself to find out what those are all about!) We were also both really pleased with how the teaching series ended with focusing on the importance of making Jesus the focus and center of this message, since ultimately, the way we love and respect our spouse is directly related to our love and reverence for Christ.

I would absolutely recommend this book and/or DVD series to any engaged, married, separated, or divorced couple who wants to either build a great foundation for starting their marriage, improve upon a good marriage, or repair a badly damaged marriage. (I also know some single people who’ve really enjoyed this teaching, so it seems I could recommend it to just about everyone!) The many testimonies from couples that Eggerichs shares are proof that getting this revelation of what the Bible says about unconditional love and respect can radically change our marriages for the better! And while my husband and I found areas where we do not fit the typical mold of how most men and women communicate or react, we were still able to discover how to apply the principles to our relationship and the conversations we had while watching the DVDs were probably the highlight of it all!

As for the comparison between the book and the DVD series, I would say that I enjoyed the DVD series more because Eggerichs is a dynamic and humorous communicator in a way that doesn’t come through quite as well in the written form. But I am also really glad I have the book, because it allows me to go back easily to reference points I want to review. The content between them is virtually identical, but I’d say there’s more detail in the book as well, which you may benefit from if you’ve only seen the DVDs. For more info, you can also visit their website at www.loveandrespect.com.

The Deep Things of God

…as it is written:
“No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him”
—but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. (1 Corinthians 2:9-11)

The other day, I was spending some time singing and meditating on this passage and I was struck with the longing to know the deep things of God. As I searched the scripture to find out what else it said about this subject, I discovered that Jesus was one who felt things very deeply.

He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. (Mark 3:5)

He looked up to heaven and with a deep sigh said to him, “Ephphatha!” (which means, “Be opened!” ). (Mark 7:34)

He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. (Mark 14:33)

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled…Jesus, once more deeply moved, came to the tomb. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. (John 11:33, 38)

…And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ… (Ephesians 3:17, 18)

Over the recent years, I have been learning about the emotions of God, but it never occurred to me that God has deep emotions! We have been made in God’s likeness and image and He created us as emotional creatures, yet I’m sure our emotions are just a faint whisper, a mere echo of the emotions that dwell in the heart of God. I have felt joy, sorrow, anger, love and numerous other emotions, yet I do not think I could even begin to comprehend what God feels when He feels joy or sorrow or love!

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? (Romans 11:33-34)

It’s no wonder that Paul prayed in Ephesians that the Holy Spirit would give us power in our inner man to be able to grasp the depths of the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge! It is not possible to conceive the deep things of God unless the Holy Spirit reveals them to us, as it says in the passage from 1 Corinthians, since only the Holy Spirit can search out the depths of God’s heart and mind. We need an outpouring of the Spirit’s wisdom and revelation to take us into His deep emotions and thoughts so that we “may know him better” (Ephesians 1:17).

And while at times I feel that I am so shallow and lacking in spiritual depth, I believe that God has created deep wells within my soul and spirit, ones that even I have not yet discovered or tapped into and it is those deep emotions and thoughts that cry out with longing and desperation to touch the depths of God. As it says in Psalm 42,

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls;
all your waves and breakers have swept over me. (Psalm 42:7)

The deep places in my spirit call out to the deep places in the Spirit of God and as much as terrifies me, I desire to come under the thundering, pounding roar of His waterfalls and waves. My personal experience of joy is as a small drop in comparison to the Niagara Falls of God’s joy and I don’t think I could even handle the full revelation of His emotions, yet I don’t want that to stop me from asking for it!

What does the roar of God’s deep righteous anger sound like? What do the waves of God’s deep love feel like? What do the breakers of God’s deep sorrow feel like? His deep jealousy? His deep joy? His deep compassion? Is it possible to know and experience God’s deep emotions, His deep thoughts? My mind gets completely overwhelmed at just the thought of trying to tap into the depths of God, yet I pray and cry out for it!

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. (Proverbs 20:5)

Oh, that I would be a woman of understanding and somehow, by the Holy Spirit, be given the gift to be able to draw out the deep waters of God’s heart.

Maternity Photo Shoot

For those of you who aren’t on Facebook, here are a “few” of my favorite shots (it’s so hard for me to narrow it down!) from a maternity photo shoot we had done last weekend!

Justice – 19 months, Rayah – 39 weeks

So, Justice turned 19 months old on October 4th and Rayah will be 39 weeks in the womb come tomorrow, granted she does not decide to make her big arrival before then!    Same as last month, I will give a point-form synopsis of Justice’s exciting developments lately!

Cute & funny things:

• He has been dancing a lot – spinning in circles and jumping around like crazy – so cute!
• He noticed dust particles floating in the air in the sunlight and was trying to catch them.
• I was watching some old videos of Justice from when he was really little and Justice was laughing at himself as he watched with me.
• He managed to escape from Joe at SHOP (Sanctuary House of Prayer) while I was on stage playing piano, doing a devotional worship set and he got up onto stage long enough to play a short duet with me before someone grabbed him!

New things he discovered:

• I bought a somewhat life-like doll from Value Village to help introduce him to the idea of having a baby in the house, which he has really grown to like.  He will stroke its head, give it kisses, hug it, put his finger in its mouth & ears and poke it in the eyes.
• We got a sand & water table set from our neighbors and he LOVES it!  He mostly loves to dig in it with his shovel and dump all the sand out of the table onto the ground or into the water side, but even though he makes a big mess, all that matters is that he’s having fun!
• Joe finished the basement this month, so Justice was thrilled the first time he got to go and play down there – he just kept running back and forth from end to end!  It has definitely been a great play place for him!
• Daddy got him a foam sword & shield so they could fight together, but he likes to chew on the sword and hold it by the blade instead of the hilt – lol.

Eating & drinking:

• Has fed himself Kraft Dinner, spaghetti and various other casseroles, as well as fruit pieces, oatmeal, yogurt, apple sauce, etc. with a fair amount of success! His method is usually to get as much as he can into his mouth from his spoon or fork and let his bib catch what falls, then he cleans out his bib afterwards or uses his hands when necessary.
• Both Joe and I had a scary choking incident with Justice where he was unable to breathe and thank Jesus, we were able to help him recover, but this prompted me to take a First Aid & CPR course so that I would be better equipped to handle that type of situation should it ever happen again!
• In addition to begging for our food, he has also started to offer to feed us his own food.

Talking & Comprehension:

• New words: guy, dry, bum, nana (for banana), eat, uh-oh, book, walking, mink (milk)
• He is learning several animal noises and some names:  he’ll make an elephant noise, say “nay” for the horse, say “moo, moo” for the cow, say “pig”, “duck” and “monkey” – although I’m not entirely sure he’d be able to associate those names with an actual picture. He will also say “doggie” when he hears the Canadian geese honking as they fly overhead.
• When he “kisses” or blows kisses, he’ll say “ma!” as he does it – so cute!
• He’s beginning to learn to understand & follow simple commands like bringing us things, putting things away, closing drawers and doors, etc.  It’s so great to feel like you’re actually communicating effectively with him!
• He’s getting better at doing the sign for “please” when prompted.

Development:

• We tried to transition him to a “big boy bed” this month, starting off by removing the bumper pads in his crib and lowering the guard rail, followed by replacing the crib’s railing with a smaller plastic guard rail, and eventually moving him to the bed.  However, after a couple weeks of rough sleeps, we decided he wasn’t quite ready and moved his crib into his new bedroom and purchased a second crib for Rayah, who is taking over the nursery.
• He is still climbing every opportunity he gets – this month he somehow managed to climb over & behind our piano!  He also climbed up the side of his toy shelf, like a ladder, causing the whole thing to fall over on top of him.  After that, the toy shelf was dismantled.   He also managed to climb onto my desk by using the drawer handles as footholds!
• He’s learning that he can push the dining room chairs up to things that he wants to get at, so now we keep them in the living room most of the time to try and prevent him from climbing up on things he shouldn’t!
• He has totally amazed us with his ability to do some puzzles we got at a garage sale – the kind with the shapes that have little pegs on them & fit into holes – all on his own!  It didn’t take him long at all to figure them out & we think he’s just the smartest kid ever!

Health:

• Caught a cold from mommy, which thankfully only manifested as a runny nose and didn’t seem to run him down too much, but also meant that his snot was constantly being wiped on my clothing and his hands and the furniture and everywhere but the Kleenex, which he hates!
• He has had some exema on the back of his knees, which didn’t appear to bother him before, but now I often find him scratching it, so we need to try and treat it more regularly.
• Got a misquito bite on his nose that swelled up like crazy and caused his whole eye to swell up.

 

As for Rayah, my obstetrician thinks she will also come early, like Justice, since I am already 2-3 centimeters dilated and about 60% effaced.  I’ve been rather eager for her to come already and have been dreaming about being in labor, which has been a little confusing when I wake up in the night and don’t know what’s reality.    But, it has also been good to have these last few days to not be working and have the time to get all the little things done & prepared before she arrives.  Her crib is set up, clothes are in her dresser & hung in her closet, rocking chair and swing are set up in her room, and for the final touch – Joe cut out the letters of her name, which I painted so we could hang it above her crib!  We figured she’s been waiting for that to be in place before she plans on coming. 

And here is my last picture that I can do the comparison for – 37 weeks for Rayah and 36 weeks for Justice.