Turning & Resisting

Return to Me
There is a key portion of scripture in Joel 2 in which the Lord says, “…return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.” The prophet continues on to say, “Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity…Blow the trumpet in Zion, declare a holy fast, call a sacred assembly…” (vs. 12-17) There is far too much going on in this text to expound fully, but the basic message is that when there is sin in the land and coming judgment, the Lord calls His people to respond by fasting and praying in repentance and turning back to Him with their whole hearts. Only then is there hope that He may relent from His anger and perhaps release blessing instead.

Little Foxes
Yesterday I was listening to the webstream of the prayer room at IHOP where they are in the midst of a 40-day fast and Mike Bickle was leading the people there in a time of personal repentance and turning. It was very reminiscent of 2 Chronicles 7:14 which says, “…if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” Mike encouraged each person to fix their thoughts on the Holy Spirit and submit to His leadership over their lives, asking Him to reveal any areas of sin that needed to be repented of and dealt with. He referenced Song of Songs 2:15, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards…” which is the bride crying out to Jesus, asking Him to help her remove the little sins that sneak in and ruin the garden of her heart. It’s not necessarily the obvious sins of murder, adultery, or theft that God is going after, but He wants to rid our hearts of the “little foxes”, the inconspicuous sins that we pass off as not being that bad – things like complaining, gossip, or pride. Then, once Holy Spirit had highlighted these things in our hearts, we were challenged to determine to not do those things again and turn from our sins, recognizing that we may very possibly fall into them again, but still making a firm decision to resist to the best of our ability.

Resisting Sin
So, as I listened, I was meditating on the passage in Joel 2 and speaking to the Lord & asking Him to show me what I needed to repent of and turn from in my life. I began to write down the things that He was showing me, yet none of them were really new to me – He has tried to confront me on these issues before, but I realized that instead of resisting the devil (James 4:7-10), I had been resisting the leadership of the Holy Spirit, not wanting to submit to His correction. I have knowingly been facing the same temptations over and over again, but usually giving into them instead of really fighting them, making excuses that I was too weak to resist them. And then, I was suddenly reminded of a verse that I had heard preached about – Hebrews 12:4 which says, “In your struggle against sin, you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.” Basically saying that I was not yet resisting to the point of allowing myself to feel the pain of turning from sin and putting to death the desires of my flesh. I don’t know why we think that killing our flesh won’t be painful or a struggle! In Joel 2:13 it also says to “Rend your heart” which means “to tear violently” – that definitely sounds painful! Yet I have definitely not yet resisted temptation to that point of pain or really fighting and saying “NO!” I’ve been more like a passive dog that rolls over onto it’s back as soon as another dog attacks it, completely surrendering to its opponent without a fight.

Jesus our Example
Yet, earlier in Hebrews 12 it is giving us the example of Jesus as inspiration for us, “Let us fix our eyes on Jesus…who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame…Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.” I need to fix my gaze on Jesus and how He truly resisted sin to the point of shedding His own blood for me so that I would not grow weary in my battle to do the same. His life and death are my example so that I will be able to “…throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles…” (vs. 1-3)

Turn To God, Turn From Sin, Turn Away His Anger
Then, this morning I was reading Daniel 9, a great example of someone who was embracing the weakness of fasting and prayer and confession on behalf of himself and his nation, and again I saw the pattern of turning. In verse 3 Daniel says that he turned to the Lord God, which was then followed by the recognition for their need to turn from their sins in verse 13, culminating with the desired result that God would turn away His anger and wrath (vs. 16) and instead restore them in His great mercy (vs. 18). For us to turn individually is just the beginning – we need to cry out for a widespread turning so that He will have mercy on our nation of Canada, bring a revival of souls coming into His kingdom and a restoration of righteousness and holiness in our land.

A New Home

Well, I am VERY excited to announce that we finally got a house here in Winnipeg! After over a month of searching and 6 unsuccessful offers in a very competitive market, we were able to purchase a house last night! Our 7th offer was accepted on a 3-bedroom bungalow in the St. Vital area on a HUGE lot – big enough to build another house on it if we really wanted to! It’s a great place for us & has a lot of potential – in other words, there are a few projects to do, but it will be fun making it our own. The basement is undeveloped and just waiting for our personal touch, while the main floor will need a slight make-over as well on the floors & walls, but overall, it is a great place! It’s close to St. Vital mall & any convenience we may desire with the added bonus of being closer to my family – it should only be about a 35 min. drive instead of almost an hour from where we live now. Our move in date will be 07/07/07 – talk about the perfect number!

Now, I wish I could say that I was an incredible woman of faith throughout this entire process, but sadly, it was actually quite difficult to remain positive. Each house we put an offer on, we would begin to dream and hope and picture ourselves living there & then be disappointed when we didn’t get it. It was stretching for my heart to keep trusting God and that He would bring us the right house at the right time. If you’ll remember a couple posts earlier I mentioned the “north and south winds” of God – the hard times & the good times. We had previously felt the south winds of His blessing when we sold our house in Calgary, but it was soon followed by the cold north winds of testing when our car was broken into & then the house-hunting began.

It’s funny how God can show You His goodness & faithfulness & blessings, but as soon as the storms come, your foundation feels rather unsturdy as it is tested to see how firmly you really believe these things. How quickly we forget that He really is kind & loves us & has promised to take care of us! How easily I get discouraged and feel weak in my faith when the smallest bit of trial comes my way! If anything, this whole process really showed me what was in my heart and produced in me the desire to develop a stronger foundation that will be able to withstand whatever storms may come. Because I know that MUCH bigger storms will be coming! I want a heart that is so in love with Jesus & so confident in His love for me that no amount of pressure, persecution, trial, hardship, temptation, disaster, etc. would be able to shake that confidence.

But thank God that when I am weak, He is strong! When I am faithless, He is still faithful! When I am powerless, He pours out His grace to supply what I am lacking. So while I see that I definitely have areas I want to grow in, He has lovingly provided for us & given us this house. We are very grateful & thankful to Him for it all – the south & the north winds – for it is all producing in me an inner beauty that far surpasses what people may see on the outside.

I also want to acknowledge and thank our fantastic realtor David Unruh who was amazing as he advised us, spent MANY hours driving us around to look at houses, wrote up many offers with us, and encouraged us to not lose faith in this process. It was amazing to have a realtor who believed that God was going to provide us with the perfect home for us & who would pray over each offer with us! Thanks David!

And lastly, but certainly not least, I want to thank all our friends and family who have been praying for us along the way – your prayers and words of encouragement were much appreciated!!

A Day in the Life

I thought it might be fun to give people a snapshot of a day in the life of me, just to give you an idea of some of the things I do & participate in from week to week.

5:45 am – The alarm goes off for Joe – he turns it off after several attempts to “snooze” won’t work & rolls over to cuddle me – he doesn’t get out of bed as he planned, but I don’t mind.

6:30 am – Begrudgingly roll out of bed at Joe’s insistence & pestering

6:35 am – Go for a prayer walk with Joe around the neighborhood, a time to pray for any of the various needs for ourselves, our friends, family, SHOP, etc. and get a little bit of exercise at the same time; this is a new routine we’ve starting doing every weekday morning

7:05 am – Have breakfast together (if we’re not fasting that day), get ready for the day

7:30 am – Joe leaves for work, I get ready to host internship at my house by setting out all the possible drink options I can find (Tuesdays are the corporate fasting day for anyone from SHOP who wants to participate); if it’s a Monday, Wednesday or Thursday, I go to the chiropractor at this time to get my back, neck & jaw worked on since they tend to give me more pain than I would like

7:45 am – Check my email, read any blog posts from my Google Reader subscriptions, read some news articles and a couple daily comics, check Facebook for any new photos, messages, etc.

8:15 am – Spend some time playing the piano & singing to prepare for my devotional set that I’m doing for internship

9:00 am – The interns arrive – we’re a small bunch today, just me Steph & Kristi, but it still feels good to get together to worship & study the Word – where 2 or 3 are gathered, He’s there with us!

9:15 am – Kristi starts her devotional set on the guitar, singing worship songs, her own songs & spontaneous worship mixed in – she’s working her way back into playing guitar after months of wrestling with tendonitis in her wrist & is starting to see some improvement – praise God! I have my own personal devotions during this time, reading my Bible & writing down thoughts from what I’ve read

9:40 am – I start my half-hour devotional set on the piano, same thing as Kristi

9:45 am – Brian, our director at our house of prayer, unexpectedly arrives – we didn’t think he was coming since he just got back from a long road trip from B.C. for his brother’s wedding

10:15 am – We update Brian on everything that’s happened while he was away & he lets us know how his trip went

11:00 am – We all get our drinks (my current fix is Maxwell’s Cinnamon Royale instant coffee, not quite the same as a Starbucks Cinnamon Dolcé Latté, but it’ll suffice) and get settled to listen to an hour of Allan Hood teaching from Daniel Chapter 9, outlining the timeline of some end-time events as detailed by a prophetic word given to Daniel by the angel Gabriel – quite fascinating & mind-boggling!

12:15 pm – Internship is done for today, everyone leaves & I clean up

12:30 pm – Read some more news, do some research on the internet, send an email to my sister to plan a girls night tomorrow to watch the finale of America’s Next Top Model at her house, since we don’t have TV at ours – yes, ANTM is one of my vices and guilty pleasures that I don’t get to watch, but I follow on their website

1:00 pm – Read a couple chapters from “Epicenter” by Joel Rosenberg, a book detailing his insights into the events occuring in the Middle East and his predictions of future events based upon his knowledge of political and economic occurances, and as seen through the prophecies of the Bible – also fascinating and mind-boggling!

1:40 pm – Spend some more time in personal devotions

2:00 pm – Sign in for work; I work remotely from home for a company in Calgary, doing computer programming; today I’m working on a satisfaction survey for employees of an American restaurant chain, a phone info line for people who are suing a company, and product surveys for calling cards!

3:30 pm – Normally would prepare supper at this time, if it’s something that needs to bake in the oven for a while, and if not, then I start supper prep more around 4:30 – but not today, since I’m fasting

3:35 pm – Realize I need some music – turn on the International House of Prayer‘s prayer room webstream, but it’s not working – bummer! Turn on Audra Lynn instead – this is by no means settling – her CD is great!

4:47 pm – Fantasize about food as the stomach rumbles…

4:50 pm – Joe gets home from work & I give him a joyful welcome home hug & kiss!

4:52 pm – Finished up a few more things for work

4:56 pm – Joe & I update each other on how our days went

5:06 pm – I read some more from “Epicenter”

5:58 pm – I decide to crash for a short nap before heading out tonight

6:36 pm – We leave to go to Shane & Kristi’s for a prayer meeting for the under-30 generation in Winnipeg

6:58 pm – Arrive just on time at Shane & Kristi’s; Joe is leading worship this week for our harp & bowl style prayer meeting which combines worship with intercession – we take turns praying, using a scripture as the foundation of our prayer and then the singers sing brief spontaneous phrases and prayers to support and expand on the prayer – it makes for very enjoyable prayer meetings!

9:50 pm – Arrive back home, check email & Facebook. I’m exhausted, going to bed!