Outstanding Among Ten Thousand

For a rather vulnerable glimpse into my life, lately I have been thinking a lot about being pregnant and wishing I had a life in the process of creation within me. This is in part due to the dozens of pregnant women and new mothers around me. I also think it is because Joe & I have been married now for a year and I am actually in a position where having a baby is not completely out of the question. We have a house and room to grow. Not only this, but as a young woman who is nearing her quarter-century birthday in the coming year, the timing seems good for starting a family. I also think that my motherly instincts are beginning to blossom along with the simple continuous longing for a child to call my own.

Taking all this into consideration, I also do not actually feel ready to be a mother and I really want to make the most of our married years where it is just the two of us, before the pressures and responsibilities of parenthood dramatically change our lifestyles. This then requires patience and trusting in God’s perfect timing and knowing that He has a plan for us and our future family. Yet, I still can’t help feeling a sadness when I dream about having a baby, only to wake up and discover that it isn’t real.

With all of this on my heart, I was reminded of Hannah from 1 Samuel. She too had a desperate longing for a child, but she was barren. She had the adoration and devotion of her husband, but she was not satisfied with this. Her desire was so intense that it drove her to depression and not eating. She was almost obsessed with her dream of having a child and could think of nothing else. Her husband, who loved her dearly, however, was wounded by this and asked her, “Don’t I mean more to you than ten sons?” I think this caused her to think and consider her dream. As she was praying, she presented her request before God, asking Him again to give her a son, but then she did something very dramatic. She “sacrificed” this dream that was so close to her heart and vowed that she would give her son back to the Lord for all the days of his life. She let go of her greatest desire and surrendered it back to God.

I can’t help but think that perhaps the Lord sometimes asks me, “Don’t I mean more to you than…?” (fill in the blank) – a child, a career, a position, friends, my spouse, family, ministry, possessions, etc. Sometimes I can get so focused on my dreams that I neglect what I already have. I fix my gaze on the desires in my heart and forget about the most important thing – I have the very Creator of the universe to call my husband, my Father, my best friend, my Savior, my Helper! He is sooooo much more to me than any of those things could ever be!!

This then reminded me of the verse in Song of Songs 5:10 which says, “My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand.” I have mostly thought of this in the perspective of considering the Lord’s beauty and that He is more beautiful than all others. But then I began to think about it in the context of my dreams and desires – the ones most dear to my heart, the good, even God-planted dreams. I sat down at the piano with my Bible and began to sing everything that I was feeling and sing from the Word as a way of expressing my heart to God. And what came out of it? A song – very simple, nothing fancy – but nevertheless, it impacted me.

“You mean more to me than ten thousand dreams.
You mean more to me than any fulfilled fantasy.”

So…do I have what it takes to surrender my dreams the way Hannah did? I hope so. In all truth and sincerity, I believe that the Lord is enough. He is more than enough! And without Him, none of those things could ever come close to satisfying me. He is truly outstanding among ten thousand! And we have the privilege of knowing the end of Hannah’s story (although our own eludes us) – after she gave her dream back to God, He answered her cries and gave her a son, Samuel. She remained true to her promise and gave her son to the service of God in the temple, even though it was very difficult to do. Yet, the Lord gave back to her 5 times what she gave up and He blessed her with 3 more sons and 2 daughters! Plus, Samuel became an extremely influential man of God who heard the voice of the Lord and played a major role in the life of King David, from whose line would come the Savior of the world. Wow!

When we give up something for God, I believe it so moves His heart with love for us that He can’t help but pour out so much blessing on us. The smallest movement of our hearts towards Him in acts of voluntary love for Him strikes His heart and He is ravished by us, by just one glance of our eyes. (Song of Songs 4:9)